respring | ( scp ) pc post for syaoran

Yeah, of course.

[ He doesn't mind moving on. It would probably be the best for the two of them for now, in fact. But he does cant his head a little, blinking curiously. ]

It's not sensitive at all, but what about it?

Um, I guess it's not specific to you, but since you were going by a different name, I thought you might have some thoughts on it...

[ ....... ]

The name I was born with wasn't "Matou." But I've been using that name for the last ten years, and it's hard to remember the times when I wasn't using it...but there's a lot of bad memories attached to "Matou," and I thought, 'there's nothing actually preventing me from going back to my old name,' especially since I'm not at home anymore.

Still, it's hard to see myself as anyone but 'Sakura Matou'...and by now, it's just my name. I feel like I don't really have a claim to my old name, anymore.

[ Tsubasa mulls it over in his head a bit, a hand resting under his chin. ]

I think that whatever name you want to go by is fine, Sakura-san. Even if you might have bad memories associated with the 'Matou' name, you still consider it as a part of who you are. Similarly to how Kimihiro doesn't use the name 'Tsubasa', or 'Syaoran'.

If you don't feel like you have a claim to your old name, I think that's fine. It doesn't change who you are as a person.

That's the problem...I'm not sure what I want, yet.

[ .... ]

I feel like maybe I should just keep it because...um, I'm pretty sure if I were to stop being 'Matou', that would be the end of the family. There's no one else left that I know of.

[ whelp ]

But if I ever get married one day, I won't be a Matou anymore regardless, since I'm not a part of their bloodline.

[ WHELP ]

[ He can't help but mull this over in his head -- he's very much aware of bloodlines, of course - he's a magician with Clow's bloodline running through his veins.

If he wasn't, he wouldn't have such a powerful magical potential. And Kimihiro wouldn't have had so much power, either.

But... ]

Even if you may not be a 'Matou' in blood, you could still be connected to that name if you get married. But that's something you'd have to talk to with whoever you decide to marry.

That's not what I mean. [ a sigh ] I don't--have any connection to that name, other than on paper. I can do a little of their magic, but I don't want to study it more. Do you know what I mean? It's my name, but it's also...not.

[ Gross parts aside, it's all leeching/vampire magic. Not her thing. ]

...the Matous used to be a really powerful family. Despite the things they did, I-- [ "killed the last two members with my own hands" ] --don't know if I can let it die out like that.

[ Though Zeltretch didn't give them his tutoring specifically because he thought they were evil as fuck. What does that say about the Matous at large. ]

Edited 2019-05-05 22:20 (UTC)

... Even if it's just on paper, it's still some sort of connection, Sakura-san.

[ Hmm.

This is difficult, though. ]

Syaoran was adopted as well, but that didn't change the family he was from. So even if you don't want to study it anymore, even if you only know a little bit, even if they did horrible things, you still care, right? Maybe you won't have the bloodline anymore. But you'd still have the name, right? You can pass down the name to any children you have, so nobody forgets that the Matou family existed.

...there are big parts of that family that are better off forgotten, Tsubasa-san.

[ hm, cryptic

She's thinking about Kariya, and the members of the family that she never met, the ones who Zouken must have made victims out of before she was even born. The entire family couldn't have been bad people, Kariya was evidence of that.

Is one person enough, though? ]

There was someone in that family who was unfailingly kind to me, though...and I don't want him to be forgotten. So maybe--

[ ... ]

I think...I might just not use a last name, until I decide what I want to do. Do you think it would be strange if I asked some of the others to just call me Sakura?

[ That's definitely a thing that makes Tsubasa think about it. But he understands. ]

If there was someone who you cared about that was kind to you though, Sakura-san... then maybe you should tell people their story so that they won't be forgotten. You could always write a book about them. Because the bad things are worth remembering as much as the good.

So that we don't make the same mistakes.

[...]

Of course, that's ultimately your decision. And if you don't want to use a last name, that's fine, too. Sakura -- the one I knew, she didn't have a last name. And there's Kurogane-san, too. There's plenty of people that don't have last names in different worlds. So it's fine. If that's your choice.

W-Write a book? Oh no, no, I'm not a good writer, I just like to read.

[ shifting the book in her arms ]

Mmm, maybe that's for the best, then. [ an awkward ] Um, thank you. You've given me a bit to think about.

Can I ask, who is Kurogane? Are they a friend of yours?

Well... you could always relay the story to me at some time and I can write the book.

[ #helping

Although... ]

Ah-- yeah, you can. He's one of my traveling partners, actually. He acts really grumpy at times, but he means well. And he cares about Fai-san a lot.

Oh, do you enjoy writing? [ that's not something she expected! but it fits him ] I'll consider it...it's actually sort of soothing to talk about this a little.

[ considering she's kept this bottled up for 10 years ]

Is Fai-san someone you traveled with as well?

I did a lot of documentation when I was doing archeology work, so this shouldn't be too different.

[ He doesn't mind in the slightest bit before nodding. ]

Before I showed up in the Foundation, I was traveling across worlds with Fai-san and Kurogane-san. Going to various worlds and always moving was part of the price I paid to keep existing.

I might take you up on that offer, then. [ surprisingly. She doesn't mind talking about Kariya. loev uncle 8( ]

I remember you mentioning that, that you went to different worlds. Fai and Kurogane chose to come with you, even though you couldn't stay put for too long?

[ He nods, appreciative. ]

Yes. Originally they were with Syaoran for their wishes, but in the end, they decided to travel with me. Of course, they still have their own reasons... and there might be a time where we'll have to part again. But that was a choice that they decided to make.

Maybe they were worried that I'd be a little lonely if I was the only one that went. Since I had been alone for a very long time before then.

I'm--can we back up a little? You keep saying 'Syaoran', but who is that, if it's not your real name?

[ sorry dude she was told none of this tl;dr before she is SO lost ]

...that's something you have in common with Watanuki-kun, then. What a trait to share. [ seriously they could have had the same face but they got stuck with both being lonely fucks instead ]

Edited 2019-05-07 00:44 (UTC)

He's my-- [...] Our father. More specifically, he's another copy of 'myself'.

[ his clone is his father ]

And... yeah. Kimihiro's was worse than mine, though.

[ ....................................................... ]

He's what.

He's a copy - a clone of myself.

And he's...also your father.

Yes.

...how?

[ DID. DID THEY CLONE SOME SPERM OR SOMETHING. BUT THAT DOESN'T--IT CAN'T-- ]

It's complicated. But... magic?

[ ................

...................................

....................................................... ]

...I'm just going to accept that answer and not think too hard about it.

[ she thought her parents were weird but Tokiomi Tohsaka is Vernon Dursley compared to this ]

That's probably for the best.

( scp ) pc post for syaoran

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